Archive for December, 2018

The president’s a pimp and we are his whore

December 28, 2018


In 2018 any moral high-ground America may have held was swept away when, in the name of making America great again, the choice was made to support a likely murderer rather than jeopardize a Saudi arms deal. Or was it oil deal? Or a hotel? Anyway, it was OK because the dead guy was a journalist, “an enemy of the people.” Some people say Jamal Khashoggi was trying to get documents to get married, others say he got into a fight with a bone saw. Either way we’re gonna get some jobs, right? Art of the Deal! MAGA!

That lady with the lamp faces Europe declaring, “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free…” and to the South we have ICE offering fresh razor wire and detentions centers that are “more like a summer camp.” Believe me, these are the best. So far only two kids have died and there are countless others separated from parents because it’s their fault for trying to escape murder in their own country so “they could bring large-scale crime and disease” to “infect our people in the United States.” And worser, they were going to take away American jobs from Americans. Go fix your own country with your dead self! MAGA!

It’s as simple as America first. The stable leader wants great climate for us. Global climate change is a hoax perpetrated by China and nearly every climate scientist with their “political agenda.” Luckily the government agencies that employ or fund many of these scientists are shut down so they don’t have to pay all those big science bucks. At least those agencies are now being run by just plain folks from the petroleum industry without any scientific credentials so they can be fair and balanced. It’s just theories science uses to predict the climate future, but right now the facts say profits are better by just not worrying about it. More profits mean the boss can buy another home, yacht, or plane that will need to be cleaned and polished – jobs trickling right down his leg. MAGA!

More jobs keeps our president pimp smocking happy. He is also smocking happy hanging with fellow pimps – Putin, Duarte, Kim Jong Un. In pictures they look so pleased with each other, probably trading stories about grooming their people with threats and slogans like “Lock her up” or “Build that Wall.”

He looks so unhappy when he is forced to be with those bad, terrible leaders of the world’s democracies that we have been allied with for so many years. Monogamy isn’t his thing. He likes the way their people look, especially the wife of France’s president, but hates America fighting for them without being reimbursed. “If they want us to do the fighting, they also have to pay a price.” Seriously, everyone knows there’s no free lunch. You know you liked it, so now you need to pay or you can’t use our big, beautiful military anymore. You tell ‘em, Donny baby.

“And sometimes that’s also a monetary price, so we’re not the suckers of the world. We’re no longer the suckers, folks.” Those are truly the best words, but picture them with Kayne doing Lady Gaga’s “Money Honey” at the same time and you just have to put on your red hat and shout “MAGA!”

“And people aren’t looking at us as suckers.” Yup, they are looking at us like whores.